Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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