I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
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Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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