i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
