She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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