i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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