Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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