who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
