New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So vagazzling was a success
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
