I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize