So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
