Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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