Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.