Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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