its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
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yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize