I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
