They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
