If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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