Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
