So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
