Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
