i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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