Is it because I queefed?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
