Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
