he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
