Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
