I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
