So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
two words: eviction party
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
