she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
