He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
