Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
