I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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