What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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