i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
