@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
