but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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