i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Are we still banned from the library?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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