i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
