I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Randomize
