Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
