Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
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I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
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My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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