this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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