I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
