I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
