the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
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During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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