He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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