Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
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at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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