It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
