last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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