Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
