The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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