Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
