I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize