worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
