Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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