and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize