I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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