It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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