help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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