After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize