id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
