If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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