Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
