I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
