Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
His hands were made for my vagina.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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