We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
